It Was a Rollercoaster that I Have to Do Again!

My weekend at Camp Do More was a very emotional one for me. I came in with an attitude like, “Ok, I’m going to do this. I bought my ticket because it was imperative to me at the end of camp last year, and here I am.” What I didn’t really have in the forefront of my mind was that I had secretly given up on myself over the course of the last twelve months. I honestly regretted this trip to Camp Do More because of the expense that was incurred in the registration, the plane ticket, and the hotel, along with the other trip expenses for participating. I thought to myself, “There you went again, making another quick decision to put you in the hole, based on your momentary emotions.”

And yes, when I registered last year, it was a quick no-brainer. And yes, the emotions were high when I charged my debit card. I questioned if I belonged at camp. I saw myself as someone who could not afford the things that other people there could afford, like new workout clothes, cute haircuts and restaurant food, and certainly not trips to California! But it turns out that I resolved last year to pay my way no matter what. I would get there somehow. My sister, Vanessa, booked the flight and the hotel, and there was no turning back.

The first day, as we flew out, I felt like a total observer. Thoughts went through my head that weren’t so clear, but kind of said, “I’m not one of them.” As Lizzy and Nessa talked about their workout classes, I thought about my failure to get a good class started and to stay focused enough to keep it going and try again. I realized how I lost sight of my goals and vision, and how I’d given up. I’ve observed time and time again, a repeated pattern of extreme energy and optimism for my passion, followed by imminent failure and disappointment.

When we arrived at the hotel, I was so excited! The beauty of California and the Hilton hotel instantly charged me with joy and wonder. I worked out so hard with Chalene and the Powder Blue crew. I had missed this SO MUCH: the fun, the music, the sweat, the smiles, the moves. Just get it all out in punch, kick, jabs. More fun that evening included a walk to downtown Disney with Ness, Liz, and the really great people who opened the invitation on our team Facebook Page. On the long walk, we shared stories and smiles. As we opened our hearts and our worlds to one another, I felt so comfortable, so happy. We sat down to eat at a restaurant, and when the menu was in front of me, I realized that I couldn’t afford this dinner. I was so tight on my budget (if you could even call it a budget) that I got sick to my stomach everytime I had to go into my wallet. No regrets, but that was my first and one of the only meals at camp. The food was too expensive!

The next day, I was soooooo sore! My mood was shot down the toilet, as I checked my bank account and my child support account over and over on my iPhone trying to figure out how much money I had left after camp. My anxiety was amplified and my morale was diminished. My mom wanted to put money in my account from home, but the whole point was that I wanted to do this on my own. Numerous texts from my boyfriend all day calling me “stubborn” and “frustrating” only made it worse.

After the workouts that day, Liz and Nessa went to eat and go to the fashion show. I stayed in my room in bed, so sore that I could hardly move, and beat myself up inside of my own head. I thought about how I physically fell off the fitness wagon. How could that happen after all of my excitement after camp last year? How could I continue to allow complicated and difficult situations to flood into and control my life? How could I get to a good place and let myself wander back into emotional darkness? Why can’t I just have what everyone else has? Why can’t I plan accordingly? I let myself down again and again, and I thought about all of the people in my life that I would probably disappoint over and over. Chalene’s talk today was about influencing others, but how could I influence anyone? I hadn’t even been able to uphold my personal conviction, motivation, or self-control. I hated that I was in this place in my mind. I got into bed long before dinner and I cried myself to sleep. I had enough energy and self-respect to brush my teeth and wash my face before bed, but that was just about all I had in me after what I had done to myself mentally and emotionally that day.

Saturday, I woke up, and I already knew that it was a huge turning point for me. I got out of bed barely being able to think about getting up or sitting down without fear of intense soreness and pain. My turbo muscles were out of practice and very strained. I knew that today it was going to be breakfast, lunch, and dinner: the Healthiest Meal of the Day, SHAKEOLOGY! And, oh, was it delicious! I busted a sweat in the 6:15am workouts. Already I was poking big holes in the recently re-affirmed negative beliefs about myself that I had already squashed once the year before at Camp Do More: the belief that I was unable to wake up early and have energy. My mind was moving in a positive direction as I heard Brian Tracy talk, and I realized that, yes, I have changed my life quite drastically since my first year at Camp Do More in 2011. Knowing that I can be in control and that today was a new start was an amazing feeling. Hearing Chalene, then Brian, then Trina was just what I needed.

I thought about my kids and how they deserve a happy mom. Chalene said something about how her mom never put herself down and that was the key to her confidence as a child. She never learned the habit of beating herself up or putting herself down. It amazed me to see that the insecurities of my children were seeded from my own expression of my lack of self-esteem, whether it came out in lack of motivation, lack of focus, or just not caring enough about myself to take the time to do the things that mattered most to me and my success. At the dance party that night, being called a goddess by a lovely smiling woman I didn’t even know, feeling the culmination of my camp experience, knowing that my mind and heart was changed for the better once again, I made the same promise to myself this year that I did the year before. This is MY life, these are MY people, I’m realizing MY success, and I’m gaining MY sustenance!

Joy fills my heart every moment as I still continually encounter the frustration and disappointment that lurks around every corner in everyday life. However, I see it in a completely different light now, a light that shines on something I achieved to do right for myself. I paid for my own ticket this year, “Hallelurr!” (as Chalene said during one of the Hustle workouts) I have the light of self-confidence back to guide me and give me courage. I’m sort of crying as I write this, sitting between two strangers on a plane. But that’s what Camp Do More does to a person who comes there to find deep personal meaning and lasting developmental change. It takes you apart and puts you back together again a little bit better, and tears and sweat are the glue that binds the pieces of the new you. I’m not saying I’m a different person in any way; I’m still awkward and a little outside for myself usually. I still havent completely found my sweet spot in life and really started to grow and flourish. I’m still weeding my garden. I have the tools that show me how and the energy to tend the bed of my soul like a turbo-girl on a double shot of espresso! On day 3, the soreness was all just about gone! I guess I danced it out at the dance party and my body obeyed my mind to just work it out and get it done! We had the best glow-in-the-dark Turbo workout ever!

I have re-learned the true value of money, prioritizing, and planning finances. I have definitely found a new appreciation and respect for food and all of the blessings that are abundant all around me. Speaking of blessings, Liz’s friend Alex, who lived in the area, was able to give us a ride from the hotel to the airport, which freed up $10 of mine that would’ve gone to a shuttle. In that case, I was able to enjoy a delicious Asian-style meal at the airport before the flight! Thanks, Alex, wherever you are!!

I already miss my Camp Do More brothers and sisters. Next year will be a new adventure in my personal journey. God knows what I will do with the next year ahead. What I do know is, no matter how turbulent it is, it will bring me back by plane to California, my happy place: Camp Do More 2013!

Blogging again!

Sometimes I just want to be heard. Sometimes I just like seeing the words completely expressed on paper, or screen, or whatever medium is most appealing. So, I need to BLOG or VLOG or something. So many things to talk about, so little time. If only I can find the time to do so. I will schedule it. Share with you my STUFF!!

Feed Your System: Our Government

GOVERNMENT! AAAAAAHHHHHH! Here in the United States, it seems that the word "Government" has a major denotation! What is it that is so wrong with our government? Well, definitely, something is wrong. If you are doing your income taxes and you are a sole proprietor or a small business owner, then you are probably pretty pissed of at the amount of money you have to pay the goverment. Why does this anger someone? Well, people will gladly fork over their money as long as they see a significant return on investment for it. There are exceptions to that, of course, when it is obvious that money is going to a specific, beneficient cause.

What happened to our government that made people dislike it so much? Not more than a few lifespans ago, people would risk their lives and the lives of their children in order to live under our government. People freakin loved it! What has changed so much?

Apparently, we have the same Constitution as we did back then. But are we still using it? We can all use the famous Constitution to our benefits, but only if we exercise our rights. What happens when you don't exercise your body? It gets lame! That's pretty much what has happened in America, people (even people in the government) have all become LAME! Now, that's not a completely bad thing really. I'm not saying that everyone sucks. I feel pretty lame right now as I'm writing this actually, so don't take this commentary as an attack. The beautiful thing about this country is that we all agree that all men are created equal. And that's for damn sure!

First off, what is it anyway? What is the United States Government? What were we all taught in the fifth grade? The United States Government consists of 3 BRANCHES of government SEPARATE but EQUAL in power: the executive branch, the legislative branch, and the judicial branch. What makes our government awesome is the checks and balances system where no one branch can overpower the other two. It is pretty obvious with the excessive military and government spending along with a consistent violation of citizen's "inalienable rights" has made it apparent that we need to get our checks and balances checked and balanced.

So, what can we balance as people? First of all, We should persue happiness. We as humans are creators, and we will not be happy unless we are happy with what we have created. We also have to be responsible in knowing that what we see before us is what we have created with the choices we have made or sometimes with our ignorance and lack of action. I'm not saying that you should become a schizophrenic control freak, but alot of us are wasting alot of time NOT making ourselves happy. We routinely do the things that bring us down. Many citizens, including myself many times in the past, do not stop and think and make the best choices and take the best actions for our own happiness. With more care and awareness, can have more control over what we see, what we get, and what we create.

Second, where the government is concerned, we can take more control where we can. We can educate each other on our rights, we can be more informed so that we can make better choices and keep our voices heard wherever it is needed. We can fight in court. Court is so systemized nowadays with so many laws and so many loopholes, and so much mystique and other-world type ambiance. The average citizen doesn't have the spirit to take an argument to court unless it is going to keep him out of jail and from ruining his financial and spiritual standing. We all want to make more money and to feel better about ourselves, right? Well, staying out of court would probably help that. But, we have to know when we should fight for our rights and we have to care for and support each other when we need it. Together, we stand; divided, we fall.

We are always so involved and informed my the news when there is a new scandal in Congress or in the White House, but we are ignorant to the fact that we are losing our rights slowly as the legislative and executive branches basically go unchecked. We need to read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. They are 100 times shorter than the new healthcare bill! As soon as we do this, then we need to take the pains to exercise our rights, without exception. We need to pump up our governmental muscles. We are a goverment by the PEOPLE. We have a right to bear arms; we have a right to free speech; we have a right to persue happiness; we have a right to freedom! God bless the U.S.A.

Feed Your System: Music

Feed it! :) Just like you should balance your diet with many different types of foods with varying nutrients and flavors, you should balance your diet of music. I can really rock out to some Miles Davis or some Mozart.

Check out your local music scene. At many local shows, you will hear more than one local act and sometimes someone from out of town. The wonderful thing about going out to see live music is knowing that you are supporting the local economy. Artists need to eat, too, and they don't get paid unless you show up. Also, most music venues are owned and employed by people who live and spend their money within the community. Take a listen to your local music station, too. Here in Pittsburgh, 91.3FM WYEP plays a wide variety of music from some well-known artists and also some random artists that apparently everyone who knows music knows about except for me. If you like what you hear, then make a small donation. Free speech isn't free people.

One thing that I love about music is that it brings people together across barriers of ethnicity, economic status, or age. It makes everybody move and keeps the energy flowin'! Whatever you decide to listen to today, and for whatever purpose... cleaning, dancing, celebrating, thinking, laughing, reading, relaxing...there is music that will take you through it! It is so great that we have technology today where we can buy single tracks online, stream classical music from your computer, or hold amazing amounts of music on your iPod. Just be mindful of what you are listening to and know that you can always change it up and listen to whatever feels good, sounds good, and helps you grow as an appreciator of the art of organized sound.

Balancing Personal Growth with My Daily Obligations

I am still trying to figure this one out. First, what do you do in order to ensure that you are paying close attention to your own personal growth? Nobody wants to be stuck in a rut. We want to know we are going somewhere that we want to go and not just anywhere the wind blows us.

The only way that I can see myself balancing personal growth with my daily obligations is to always be writing things down. And then getting up! When I have an idea or something I appreciate, I take note of it. I grab my iPhone and write myself a Note. I stop and tweet about it. I put it on my calendar. I record it in a journal. I scribble on a piece of paper and file it in a folder or even just throw it in a pile (that I intend on sorting through on a regular basis, of course!) If it can be done right now, then I do it as soon as I think of it.

I try to take time to read a book. Sometimes this means marrying your reading to one of your obligations. For example, when the girls had dance class, I would make a point to have my mom watch the other one for just 90 minutes so that I could take that time to sit in the library or in the drivers seat of my car to read about something that I thought was important.

Take time to listen to yourself and listen to other people. Try to find ways to simplify your life when you become aware of what you spend most of your time communicating about. Think positive and talk positive to yourself and to other people. Your mindset will help you to stay active during the day and sleep with ease knowing that you did the best that you could and that you enjoyed it. To an optimistic person, when you have bad thoughts, you take the opportunity to learn and about yourself and visualize how you might take the next opportunity to apply what you have learned from your past in a positive way. Each new day is a new adventure in the journey towards finding yourself and finding balance in your life, making the most out of your challenges, opening to change, and stretching your abilities.

Food Inc Official HD Trailer

Feed Your System: Food

What you eat is a big part of who you are. When we are children, we have certain taste preferences, but over time, those change. I know I asked my 6-year-old what she wanted to have at her birthday party, and she said organic yogurt and celery. Imagine a teenager asking for that! So, what happens that makes us change the way we feel about food?

I think we get conditioned from what we learn and experience over time. What your parents repeatedly feed you, what your parents ate, what you ate at a friends house while visiting, what you ate at school, in college, at restaurants, what you saw people eating on TV or in magazines, the commercials you watch, the messages from "experts", and other unmentioned sources are all that we know about food.

There has come a point in my adult life where I realized that the things that I decided to eat had a big impact on my mental, physical, and spiritual health as well as a profound effect on my community. Everytime you spend a dollar towards what you are going to eat, you vote on how your food should be grown, packaged, and prepared. Making the right choices is a learning process, and every bit of progress is better than none at all. Food, Inc. is a great movie that may help shed some light on this tragically ignored crisis that is happening in America and around the world.